I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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