That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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