can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
