I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
