You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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