I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
