When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
