Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
