If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
