Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
