Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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