We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
