do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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