I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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