My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize