I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
