You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
