Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize