i barfeds in our rink
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
