True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
