so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
