people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
