Nicole vs. Life
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
