3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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