I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
