When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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