I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
