I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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