Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
