**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
