i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
