So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
