I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
