My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
