my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
