Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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