Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
