i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
