I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I intend to get homeless drunk
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
