We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I love you. Go after that dick
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
