Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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