Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
