I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
