So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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