Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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