Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
