he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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