I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
