the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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