He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Randomize
