girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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