its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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