just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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