I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Is it because I queefed?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
