we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
