I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize