I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
