The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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