Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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