i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
