nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
