i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
