remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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