remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
