dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
