Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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