He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
