I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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