Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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