I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
