You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
and you fell through a lawn chair
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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