K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You are the jesus of drinking
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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