after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
