Got a toothbrush?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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