miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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