So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
