Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
