he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i was born a porn star she said
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
