I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
