Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
